


The Farm

by SoraMoto



Series: Podcast Scripts [15]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Adventurers are dicks, Fantasy setting, farmer just wants them to stop stealing his shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 08:46:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16513076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoraMoto/pseuds/SoraMoto
Summary: A farmer, fed up with having his stuff stolen by wandering adventurers decides to put a stop to it.





	The Farm

The thing about many dangerous dungeons that adventurers aren’t aware of is ‘why?’

Why are they built to confound and kill and maim? Why are they in such random out of the way locations that have absolutely no value.

Of course some are wizard’s towers and ancient ruins lost to time. Others though, others are there because of the adventurers themselves.

If you really think about it, there should be consequences for going into someone’s house and stealing all their belongings and valuables. Consequences the adventurers don’t bother to deal with as they continue on their merry way to loot and pillage farms just because the farmers and their families aren’t home when they stroll by.

Its heartrending to come home after a long day of work in the fields to find only your furniture left behind after a band of adventures strolls by.

So they get locks for their doors and spend a few days building a secure wall around their home with a gate and another lock.

And still they come home and find their house pillaged.

They dig out the cellar, tunnels and twists and dead ends. They make their home down there and hide their belongings to stop the adventurers from taking them.

It escalates, the adventurers are now seeking out their home, targeting them.

They build a maze and it only slows them down. They learn magic and add traps and hire people to stand guard. It works, to a degree, most don’t make it through and since they are invading their property when the guards you hired kill them, they have no qualms burying them in the tunnels beneath their house. They’re just thieves after all.

The farmer pays the guards with loot from the dead adventurers, they’re welcome to keep whatever they want as long as their things stay in their house.

When one too many mercenaries turn on them and try to rob them the farmer turns to other means and buys magical beasts to occupy the maze. It's easy enough to keep them fed with the number of adventurers now trying to get through.

The home is now fortified, with a dungeon beneath it and a labyrinth of walls, traps and magical beasts surrounding it. All of this designed to keep out unwanted adventurers.

The farmer looks out over his creation and frowns upon realizing he’s not driven them away, but made something they seek. Sighing in resignation of what he’s done, the farmer goes deeper into his home and settles in to wait for the next group of adventurers. Afterall, he may as well benefit from the loot he’s collected. Maybe he could learn necromancy next and put all those corpses in the cellar to good use.


End file.
